I hate my job. No, really, I hate it. Or rather, maybe I don't hate lifeguarding in particular, but instead just hate the idea that I *have* to have a job. I detest required work. Everyday I wake up and think, "Oh God, let a sudden freak lighting storm blow over the wave pool" because if that happened, the water park would close.
This whole growing up thing is way over-rated. I've always known it would be, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Back when I was a kid and my friends were longing to grow-up, get married and get a job, I was the only one who was horrified at the prospect. Growing up meant I'd get big and bulky and wouldn't be able to climb trees anymore; getting married meant kids and cleaning and cooking dinner; a job would lead to things like taxes and bills. I always knew growing up would suck, and it really, really does.
All that hype about freedom is tempered by responsibility. I don't want to be responsible, and if that costs me my freedom, so be it. And having said that, I can hear Mr. Mitchell's voice ringing in my ears. But even though I know he's right about freedom being important, I just can't bring my self to be grateful for this new life being shoved before me. I don't want it; I've never wanted it. All I ever wanted was to be free to live out my perfect childhood and then die before it was ruined by maturity.
I'm so miserable and it's making me lousy company. The only thing that's happy in my life right now is the thought of my party. That's what I've focused on right now. In the interim, I'm trying to notice the little things that make life bearable. Like...
-How much I enjoy the book "The Miracle of Santa Fico"
All that hype about freedom is tempered by responsibility. I don't want to be responsible, and if that costs me my freedom, so be it. And having said that, I can hear Mr. Mitchell's voice ringing in my ears. But even though I know he's right about freedom being important, I just can't bring my self to be grateful for this new life being shoved before me. I don't want it; I've never wanted it. All I ever wanted was to be free to live out my perfect childhood and then die before it was ruined by maturity.
I'm so miserable and it's making me lousy company. The only thing that's happy in my life right now is the thought of my party. That's what I've focused on right now. In the interim, I'm trying to notice the little things that make life bearable. Like...
-How much I enjoy the book "The Miracle of Santa Fico"
-The way the setting sun turns all the inner-tubes on the river to gold
-When Eric wrote his first story and dedicated it to me, all because he sees me always typing up my own stories
-The messages my friends leave me on my cell phone when I'm at work, even if it's just a short "Call me back" because it shows they care
-How my brother asks me questions all the time like I have the answers to the universe
-How I know the all the lyrics on my SR-71 CD that Yomo burned me
-When Eric wrote his first story and dedicated it to me, all because he sees me always typing up my own stories
-The messages my friends leave me on my cell phone when I'm at work, even if it's just a short "Call me back" because it shows they care
-How my brother asks me questions all the time like I have the answers to the universe
-How I know the all the lyrics on my SR-71 CD that Yomo burned me
-When I teach my brother important skills like the proper way to catch a gecko, how to keep a toad from peeing on you, the best way to make a burning catepiller squirt it's guts, and the names of every single plant in the greenbelt
-When a guy at work smiles at me and tries to get my attention
That's it for now. I was in a really bad mood, but writing that all out has made me feel better. Love you all.
-When a guy at work smiles at me and tries to get my attention
That's it for now. I was in a really bad mood, but writing that all out has made me feel better. Love you all.
